Never Without You

Valerie's random thoughts about Dark Shadows, especially my OTP, Barnabas and Julia. Hopeless fangurl of the fabulous Grayson Hall and Jonathan Frid.

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I can go to Collinwood.”

"No, I don’t want you to do that. He’ll get you, too! He got you the other day in the woods! I’ve got to do something myself."

Recap goes a bit further with some additional dialogue. Barnabas suffering the aftershock of having the stuffing knocked out of him by Adam, rejects Julia’s offer to warn everyone at Collinwood of their imminent doom. She fetches her medical bag from Josette’s room and rushes in to inform Barnabas that Carolyn is apparently the walking dead.

"Carolyn’s body is gone!"

"Barnabas, you’ll never make it. You’ll never make it to the front door. I can go to Collinwood."

"I won’t let you go. He stopped you before. Remember in the woods? I have to do it."

Barnabas comes staggering out of the basement, declaring that Adam is insane and can’t be reasoned with. He must warn everyone at Collinwood (*sometimes a telephone would come in handy). Since Barnabas can barely stand upright, Julia points out that he is in no shape for heroics. She will go to Collinwood. No, he can’t allow her do that. Doesn’t she remember her last encounter with Adam in the woods? Julia decides to give him some medicine for the pain. But when she enters Josette’s room to retrieve her medical bag, she finds that Carolyn’s body is gone!

"Dead? Oh, my God!"

"You killed her! You and Dr. Hoffman!"

"That isn’t true!"

Adam tells Barnabas that Carolyn is dead. The he proceeds to blame everything on Barnabas and Julia. Grieving, Barnabas lashes out that his loss is greater because Carolyn was a member of his family.(*several generations removed). Barnabas will soon be an orphan again because Adam intends to wipe out the residents of Collinwood, starting with his not girlfriend Vicki. Barnabas lunges for Adam, but Adam easily overpowers him. Barnabas hits the dirt…again.

"You think no one else will miss her! Only you because you think it is your loss! Well, it isn’t! She is part of me, not you! She is one of my family! And I feel as deeply about her as you THINK you do! You are the one who wanted her as the life force. If anyone killed her, it was you!"

"I told you what I was going to do! If anything happened to Carolyn. First Vicki. Then everyone in your family!

She was awake…We talked to each other and I told her she’d be all right. I wasn’t  wrong was I?”

Julia comes into Josette’s room to find Adam cradling Carolyn and weeping. He tells her Carolyn regained consciousness and they talked. Julia examines Carolyn and can detect no heartbeat. Shocked and saddened, Julia tells Adam that Carolyn is dead. After giving Julia an appropriately Frankenstein monster-ish, glare, Adam leaves the room…presumably to begin his murderous rampage.

She’s dead.”

I don’t want anyone! I only want you!”

"Adam…Adam, I…"

Adam brings Carolyn to Josette’s room. She regains consciousness. She is sad that the experiment didn’t work and he doesn’t have his mate. Adam says he doesn’t care. As long as Carolyn is all right, he is happy. She feels a sharp pain and tells him of a creepy dream of being in a cold empty room. The walls cracked and fell down and then there was a heavy fog. Disconnected dead things wanted to drain the life from her…to take her life! The pain returns. Adam declares he only wants Carolyn. She feels cold and begins to say something to Adam. Then she falls back, dead, as Adam cries her name.

Julia turn off the equipment!…We can’t let Carolyn die! Now do as I say!

Barnabas calls a halt to the experiment. Julia tries unsuccessfully to revive Carolyn with an injection (*Adam gets predictably freaky). Adam accuses Julia of trying to kill Carolyn (*WTF? Yes, there is definitely a little bit of life force Barnabas in Adam…lol). Adam ignores Julia’s advice not to move Carolyn. Barnabas tries to bar his way, but his creepy look doesn’t have the same effect now that he’s human. Adam carries Carolyn upstairs. Julia can’t promise Barnabas that Carolyn will live because the situation is too unique. Barnabas pleads with her to save Carolyn or everyone at Collinwood will be toast.

Carolyn’s acted completely differently from you.”

"Go upstairs and be with her! She must stay alive! If she dies…well, there will be no stopping Adam! He will turn Collinwood into a bloodbath!"

*Funny how it never occurs to anyone to wonder if the reason the experiment failed is because Carolyn is a human being. Barnabas—partially cured by Dr. Lang’s injections—was still at the halfway point between vampire and human when the Adam experiment was conducted .And Dr. Lang certainly was eager to use his newfound vampire friend as the life force.

"Get back! Let Julia handle this! Or you may really have something to be afraid of."

Recap proceeds much faster. Experiment begins. Barnabas looks pained. Adam looks nauseated. Julia looks confused. Carolyn screams a lot and loses consciousness. Scope watcher Barnabas announces a change for the worse. Julia declares Carolyn has only moments to live. The clock steals the scene. It’s lost a minute since the last episode

"There will be some discomfort. Don’t try to be brave."

The experiment gets underway (*finally!). Julia gives Carolyn a sedative to help deal with the pain..Barnabas is instructed to fasten Carolyn’s straps and keep watch on a scope (*He’s helping!). Julia flips the proper switches and the current passes through Carolyn and the mate. Carolyn screams. Adam freaks. Barnabas shouts at him to let Julia handle things. (*Holy smoke). The scope collapse. Carolyn’s breathing weakens. She is in danger.

If the mate doesn’t come alive in sixty seconds, Carolyn will die!

"That body and Carolyn, both of them must live. I can see in your eyes that you’re nervous, Doctor. But you mustn’t make a mistake. You must not be nervous!

"You are only making her more so!"

Adam says again that both Carolyn and the mate must live. He can see that Julia is nervous but she must make no mistakes. Barnabas tells him he is making her nervous.  Carolyn joins them and wants to see Adam’s mate. Julia tells Adam to leave. If they were in a hospital, he wouldn’t be allowed in the operating room. He’s too emotionally involved. Barnabas says Julia is right (*Wow). Adam retorts that Barnabas and Julia are also emotionally involved..He intends to stay. Carolyn can’t stand the “family”bickering and pleads with them to start the experiment.. Adam lifts Carolyn onto the table. Adam and Carolyn gaze at each other lovingly.

"She won’t be a s beautiful as you are."

"Adam, tell me you will judge her fairly."

"I feel guilty worrying about us. The danger to us."

"Nothing is going to happen, Julia!"

Julia wishes again it weren’t Carolyn. Barnabas gets prickly with her (*because she never has to listen to him moan and groan..lol). And she feels guilty that she’s worried about the danger to them. The outcome of the first experiment didn’t go according to plan. Barnabas tries to placate her, and Julia snaps at him.

"Barnabas, please don’t try to handle me!"

"But I wasn’t!"

"Yes, you were! Oh! It’s true, isn’t it? Tension can turn allies against each other."

"Carolyn when we leave this room I want us to walk down those stairs and out that door and go somewhere, anywhere! Carolyn, listen to me, I’ll work for you…Carolyn, we’ll be married! There’s no need to go through with this experiment. We’ll be happy, I’ll make us happy!"

Adam, you can’t make us happy by yourself. No one person ever can.”

Adam wants Carolyn to admit what she’s not prepared to admit. He makes the inevitable proposal. And she the expected rejection. They’ve kept everyone waiting long enough. Carolyn is going downstairs. Adam asks her to wait a moment longer and they embrace.

"Have you ever thought of going far away where no one knows you? Where you can live your own life. Not your family’s. Not your friends. Professor Stokes told me that people often live a life that’s expected of them. I don’t understand…Have you thought of living your own life?"

"Yes. Yes!"

"Carolyn come away with me!"

Carolyn tells him she’s not frightened, but Adam doesn’t believe her. He holds her in his arms and she clings to him. This is the first time she has allowed him to hold her. Adam wants to talk. It will be the last time. He must leave after the experiment is completed. He wants her to go with him. It’s clear how much Adam means to Carolyn but she thinks it’s impossible. She has thought and thought. About him?

"I’ve thought about how dear you are. How attractive."

"But my scars, they’re so ugly! I can’t even look at myself in the mirror!"

"Adam, I don’t even see them anymore."

“Love, Barnabas, not friendship. Love. The kind of love that, I can’t quite explain it, the kind of love I felt when I was very, very young. Love without reason, without much knowledge. Adam loves me without knowing who I really am. He gives me the feeling that I could do anything and he would still worship me.”

Barnabas says Carolyn must back out of the experiment. They’ll tell Adam she is ill (*now there’s a no fail plan, Barnabas). He will find someone else…by tomorrow. She tells him he’s being absurd. There is nobody else. And she owes Adam because he loves her. Barnabas comes to two realizations: Carolyn WAS hiding Adam somewhere and she is in love with Adam.

"Carolyn, you are in love with him."

"You understand how I feel, don’t you?"

"In a way, yes."

"You know more about love than Barnabas does, I think."

"No, but perhaps I understand your kind of love better. But Barnabas is capable of great love. I’ve seen it.""

Julia and Adam share a simpatico moment as they talk of love. Adam notices Julia’s nervousness and he says she is frightened. Julia denies it, stating that all she has to do now is push the proper buttons and pull the right levers. There is nothing for her to be frightened of.

"Perhaps it’s you who are afraid, Adam."

"What if she looks at me and doesn’t like what SHE sees? What will I do then? What? What?"